I finally made the effort to delete three hundred fake, unused, and random accounts from my Facebook. My Uncle came over yesterday, I spat a large phlegm ball onto the grass and he called me anorexic. He laughed, but it wasn’t a joke. I’m going to buy a new pair of solid black ‘Original Classic Authentic’ Vans in a months time, I’ve been wearing my old pair since 2008. Today is my last day on antibiotics.
You know why women often say “nothing’s wrong” when something is definitely bothering them
It’s because men have been belittling, minimizing and mocking our emotions forever
And we are socialized to be as passive and undemanding and selfless as possible, and not to run any risk of bothering or angering a man lest he abandon or hurt us It’s not passive aggression, it is fear
My immune system has dropped dramatically over the last twenty four hours and I know I am getting sick because my face is burning and my throat is throbbing and I’m shitting out the entirety of my body’s contents every two minutes as a result of the 10 tablets I have to take every day for the next six days. I’ll probably be dead in a few hours.
I am a fucking idiot. I woke up this morning at 5:45am thinking I started TAFE at 9am, I’ve been on campus since 8am, and I only just realised that class isn’t until 11am. What am I supposed to do for two hours?
“There are some things about myself that I can’t explain to anyone. There are some things I don’t understand at all. I can’t tell what I think about things or what I’m after. I don’t know what my strengths are or what I’m supposed to do about them. But if I start thinking about these things in too much detail, the whole thing gets scary. And if I get scared, I can only think about myself. I become really self-centered, and without meaning to, I hurt people. So I’m not such a wonderful human being.”—Haruki Murakami (via psych-facts)
“every time you
tell your daughter
you yell at her
out of love
you teach her to confuse
anger with kindness
which seems like a good idea
till she grows up to
trust men who hurt her
cause they look so much
like you.”—to fathers with daughters - rupi kaur.
“I don’t give a shit about grand gestures or flowers at my door, I just want your teeth across my neck and my lips pressed to the small of your back, I want your stupid fucking sense of humour making me laugh at 4am when I have to be up at 6.”—
Yesterday I indirectly abused the new girl in my class by implying that she should find another group to work with because mine was full. Some how I’ve come to realise the degree to which I subconsciously play upon my complexes, and it makes me a bad person. I am a bad person.
I count the minutes between your replies,
And how many breaths I take after you’ve fallen asleep.
I always question your reasoning,
But when I’m alone my fingers sink deeper between each rib.
And I’m broken glass on the pavement.
“I feel like shit when I eat, and I feel shit when I’m not eating. I feel like shit when I taste food, and I feel like shit for thinking about food. I feel like shit eating in front of people; I feel shit when I eat alone. I feel like shit when I enjoy food and I feel like shit when I hate food. I feel like shit for wasting food and I also feel like shit when I can clear a plate. Food is such an issue and no matter what, it always makes me feel like shit.”—Patsy Fryer.
“I am perpetually cold
with hot pink cheeks.
I am either all or nothing,
I find myself empty
far too often.
I have shaky fingers
that pluck the heart strings
of weaker boys
who thought they could
I think my heart
is like the ocean,
deep and mysterious
I will spend my lifetime
trying to learn it.
You’re welcome to join,
if you’d like.”—Michelle K, This is My Version of a Love Poem.
“What I’ve Learned:
1. A girl can lose feelings for you over night.
2. A kiss can be just that, a kiss. Completely meaningless.
3. Love can be one sided but I still wonder if that is love at all
4. Never beg for someone to stay or to love you. You shouldn’t have to beg for someone to be a part of your life or to love you. You deserve better than that.
5. Stop breaking your ribs to make space for those who do not belong there.
6. Learning to breathe again is harder than the doctors said it would be.
7. I don’t know what hurts more at night; being alone or being in love.
8. Laying with someone in bed at night is temporary. It won’t get rid of the lonely. You will still wake up and leave in the morning with a heavy heart and no hand to hold.
9. Sometimes the sky rains gasoline instead of water and you have to be strong enough and ignore the urge to set yourself on fire.
10. I will be okay someday. Bad things happen for no reason sometimes and things end but that shouldn’t mean you should come to an end too. The ocean will always have waves; I just have to learn to swim through them for a bit longer.
11. The stretch marks I left on my mother from birth will not be another suicide letter I never finished.”—Oliver Nolau.